across the board i have seen that people want to solve their problems by taking some kind of action. that makes sense. moreover they view feelings as something that gets in the way of solving their issues. in couples work often acknowledging and validating each other’s feelings is not just crucial sometimes it is also enough to dissolve the problems between the couple.
at the root of many issues in couples there is a sense of not being understood, not being on the same page and not being met. when one partner in the couple does the work of expressing their feelings and the other acknowledges and validates those feelings a bridge is created across the gap in communication. and when the process is reciprocated than both partners feel understood and met.
very often both partners are in the same boat of feeling frustrated or misunderstood or angry or sad but are unable to accept their feelings and then project and blame the partner for their troubles. this makes matters worse, as the other partner often retaliates with more anger and criticism etc so that the issues escalate and rise out of proportion, leaving both the partners feeling disrupted, dis-regulated and out of sorts. when a pattern of blame and defense and counter-argument has been established it can seem rather challenging to find peace and harmony again. as long as there is love and a willingness to work through the issues, it is possible to find a way out of the maze of conflict and confusion. it can be so very rewarding to express love and appreciation again.
welcome to couples’ work!